never play flip cup with pint glasses
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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