Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
