the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
