my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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