thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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