How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We need to get me chipped asap
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
