sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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