I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
