Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
