So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
