Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
