Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize