im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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