I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
