I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
this hospital has no fireball
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize