Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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