Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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