yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize