I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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