Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
