I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
