i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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