well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
