What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize