Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
