I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
