gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize