you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
