went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
