this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
