he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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