She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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