Pants 0. Shit 1.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think your dad took our porno
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
