I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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