we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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