I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
