Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
