Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize