some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have tasted many bathrooms
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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