And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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