If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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