In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
