They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
