He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so let's talk penis.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize