Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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