If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
