I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
