all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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