You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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