i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
