no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
