i think my tv is drunk
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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