I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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