We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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