drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
