I have demons in me.
I wish I only lived at night.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize