I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize