Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
