I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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