dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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