The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
