He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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