my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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