omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
