dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
