How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
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