and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
