Your dad touched me again.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
