need another drink. this is the easiest way
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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