defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
