I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
